Why do we parents pay a so high price to raise good kids?

At 14 my son did something bad that could get him in trouble with the law. We were harsh, told him, besides other things, he had destroyed our trust in him, we'd never trust him again and he didn't deserve our respect. Such words broke his spirit but we wanted him to face the consequences. He got a kinda harsh punishment that lasted almost a year. During this time we were firm, though he pleaded for forgiveness and trust. It worked and madehim into an excellente and trustworthy kid, but our relationship was destroyed. He never got over, got depressed and today, at 24, agreat mathematician, is a strange to us. 2 years ago said he couldn't get over what we said and did when he messed up and havingany relationshipw/ us would be extremely painful. Impossible to reason w/ him, he getes emotional. When a teen we tried therapy but didn't work. We paid a high price, raised a great young adult but I'm sure we lost him. We are part of something he wants to throw away and forget.